I knew an angel once. You may think I'm kidding, but I'm not. She had perhaps the most beautiful and loving soul of anybody I have ever known, or ever will know. Though I was young and my years with her were few, knowing her has forever shaped me into the person I am, and somehow, the person I am constantly growing in to.
The strength and grace that she maintained through her beautiful life have inspired me since I was a little girl bobbing awkwardly around the dance studio, and despite my absence from any studio for almost five months now, her memory continues to inspire me.
Her name was Terra Ann Johnsey [Rosborough] Caldwell. She was Mrs. Rosborough, she was Mrs. Johnsey, but to me, she was and is Ms. Ann, my ballet teacher.
She was strong, but she was so graceful. She taught me how to dance, but she also taught me how to love people unconditionally. She corrected my turn-out, but she also corrected my judgements of others. She developed me as a dancer, but she also developed me as a woman of God.
Her husband described her as having "infectious joy," and I don't know if he could have said it any better. No matter what hardship or difficult situation she was enduring, she came to class, taught, and had a smile on her face that brightened our moods. If we weren't feeling well, or were having a bad day, she would find some way to make it better, whether it was with one of her signature crushing hugs, or a piece of chocolate. Despite the seven years it has been since I saw her, I picture her bright smile as easily as ever.
Ms. Ann always encouraged us to make decisions based on our happiness. If something wasn't making us happy anymore, she encouraged us to stop doing it... even if it was dancing. She encouraged me to be my own person, and I do what I wanted, based on what was best for me.
And that is why, after 12 years, I was able to quit taking classes without feeling guilty. I knew that I wasn't happy, and I knew that she would have been the first in line to tell me that I needed to stop.
However, knowing her, and then losing her, has left me as one of her dancers forever. Without dance, I feel less connected to the world. I feel a little less in control. And, in what is one of the biggest ironies I know, a little less happy.
I've said it before, but I'll reiterate. Dance will always be a part of who I am. My heart will always yearn to be dancing, no matter what capacity I will be able to do so, because of the time I was blessed to have known her.
I saw God in this woman before I even knew to be looking for Him. She was amazing, and I want the whole world to know about her, so I start here by sharing this with you. Though I was young when we lost her, the pain of having lost her was no less, nor is the joy of having known her any diminished.
It is probably going to rain tomorrow, just like it has on October 23 for the past seven years. And I'll hold in my memory Ms. Ann, and sit for a while and enjoy some chocolate, and flutter my butterfly wings.
1 comment:
What a beautiful post!!! It was written truly for the Greater Glory! I am so glad that you are continuing to let her live in you today. You are such a beautiful woman, and I remember the time I have most clearly felt Mrs. Ann's presence since she died was when you were snow in the Nutcracker. You stepped onto the stage and you were sparkling like a diamond. You were sparkling brighter than the rhinestones in your costume! And when you danced she was there over you, smiling and so so so proud. I felt her, and I know she was there in you and with you. Thank you for bringing that moment to me, and thank you for DANCING THE DANCE when I couldn't.
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